


Love Like You

by seabagel



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Morality | Patton Sanders, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Sad Morality | Patton Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, janus i love youuuuu, moceit is also my favorite nowwww
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23978356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seabagel/pseuds/seabagel
Summary: Patton asks Janus whether he'll take care of Thomas. Which seems like an innocent enough question at first, but Janus quickly grows worried about the moral side.
Relationships: Morality | Patton Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 31
Kudos: 368





	Love Like You

**Author's Note:**

> TWs: not exactly suicide but like.... an extreme version of 'ducking out' which could uhh be approximated to 'side-suicide' i guess??? Basically just be careful if ur sensitive to that kinda content!
> 
> •••
> 
> yall the new ep rlly has me ignoring every project that isnt moceit and writing a whole moceit one shot rlly late

"D--...Janus," Patton said, looking at the ground. "Could I ask you something?"

It was well past midnight, and the others sides had all retired to their rooms by now. Or so Janus had thought, until Patton came up to him in the living room.

"Oh, _no_ , it's not like I'd _ever_ want to share my thoughts with _you_ ," he replied, sarcastically, out of hard-to-break habit.

Patton smiled softly then, but there was that edge of bitterness to it. _Fake_. "You'll take good care of Thomas, right?"

Janus bit back a sardonic reply of, _oh,_ no _, why would a_ villian _like me want to_ help _Thomas?_ Instead, he put on a sincere tone--something he wouldn't ever get used to--and replied, "I will always try to, of course."

Patton nodded, smile growing. _Still fake_. "Good. I mean it was a silly question, obviously you will," he laughed, the sound grating and wrong and _deceitful_. A diguise to hide something so lost and sorrowful underneath, a diguise so easy to see through, something belonging so _obviously_ to an unpracticed liar. Well. Perhaps they both has their hard-to-break habits.

"Good luck," Patton continued, "I know you'll do great."

Janus frowned, brow creasing. "Patton, what is this really about?"

Patton was already turning to leave, but he didn't seem to be headed toward his room, although it was too late for him to reasonably have anything to do but sleep. He paused at Janus's question, but didn't look round. "Nothing to worry about." _Lie--_

"Patton--" Janus caught the other side's wrist, who shied away, and when he looked round there were tears building in his eyes. "Patton... where are you going?"

"To bed--" he flinched before he could finish the lie, catching himself. He shook his head, and instead said, "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does."

Patton looked away. "Somewhere, then. Nowhere. I don't know!" His voice broke, and Janus's frown deepened.

"Surely... you don't mean--"

"It doesn't matter if I do!"

Virgil hadn't been the first side to come up with the idea of 'ducking out'. If a side was truly serious about it, there were places deeper in the mindscape, places that were harder to reach. Harder to hear from. Quieter. Lonelier.

"You can't," Janus said, before he knew what he was doing. "Why would you? How could you even think of--?"

"Honey," the word stopped Janus in his tracks. The 'light' sides were, perhaps, already used to Patton's nicknames but he was not. He had always wanted to be, one day; to be around the moral side long enough that pet names could be commonplace-- _but that could never happen if Patton--if he--_ "I can do this; I have to do this... because you're here. And you're--you're _wonderful_ ," Patton beamed at Janus, but Janus couldn't muster even a bit of happiness at this scenario, "and I should have seen it sooner. I wish I'd seen you-- _the real you_ \--sooner."

"While I'm flattered," Janus bit his tongue, "No--while I'm touched, I don't see how my being here has anything to do with you planning to... _leave_."

"Oh, honey--" _and maybe Janus hated hearing that in this context, actually--_ "because I'm Morality. And you're Deceit. And I'm wrong. And you're trustworthy. And I have to think... our sides don't show all we are, do they? And... maybe sometimes they reveal what we _aren't_."

"That... doesn't make any sense, Patton."

Patton laughed again. "See? Proves my point--'wrong again, Pat!'. You agreed before. Thomas... his adult dilemmas... he's outgrown me, Janus. And that's OK. It's all going to be OK this way."

Janus shook his head, edging on desperate. "No! I mean... you have made mistakes, Patton, but you haven't outgrown your purpose; I know _I_ certainly can't replace you in it!"

"Yes, you can," Patton said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I've seen it myself--your understanding of philosphy, of the intricacies of life, Janus, it's so much more than mine. I--I _don't know_ what I'm _doing_!" The tears Patton had been holding back were beginning to gather in full-force now. "All I've done is hurt Thomas. Hurt Roman. Hurt _you_. You don't deserve to hurt--any of you. And it's time for it to stop. So," he took in a shuddering breath, a tear rolling down his cheek, his smile growing sickingly wider. "Quack, quack!"

Patton turned again, walking faster now, and Janus ran to keep up. "No! Patton, you're wrong!"

Patton didn't stop walking, a choked laugh escaping him. "What else is new!"

"Thomas needs you--" Patton kept going-- "we all need you—“ still walking— “I need you!”

Patton’s steps stuttered, and then came to a halt. “Why... why would you need me?”

Janus—carefully, gently—placed a hand on the other side’s shoulder. Patton turned around, and Janus’s heart broke at the tears now falling in earnest down his face. He tentatively held up a gloved hand and wiped them away. “I need you, because... I couldn’t even begin to do what you do.”

“Yes, y—“

“I’m not talking about the morals—although I would fail there too—but I couldn’t do what you do, because I... I have never seen a patch of dandelions and made them into a flower crown. I’ve never given out friendship bracelets, or drawn rainbows on cards; Patton, I couldn’t even smile like you if I tried. And I'm not talking about one of your fake smiles—but when you really smile, Patton, it’s... I couldn’t do anything like it," he took in a breath, "...I can’t love like you. But... you make me want to. And if you weren't here, I don't know how I could even _think_ of love again."

Patton’s shoulders shook under Janus’s grip, breath hitching, and suddenly, they were hugging. Janus couldn’t help but melt into the gesture, now knowing, that he could _also_ never hug someone like Patton did.

“If—if you’re lying,” Patton sobbed. “you’re rreally good at it.”

“No, darling,” Janus said, rubbing circles into Patton’s back, “not about this. Never this.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments are appreciated greatly!!!!


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